First, you pet a pig, and trapped my gaze
Not quite a princess
but even better
a shiksa without risk for incest
Then, wide-grinned, you asked about my two
I told you not to worry and we could hush
Fact is, I think we both felt it
This is amazing and we didn’t need to rush
You loved the smell of curry
And that’s all it took
My heart fluttered
This was the first chapter of the book
I cringed every time I wrote
Everything clenched with fear
But you responded all the time
With a smirk, some wit, and cheer
How strange, but how nice
This all became unfolded
A few weeks and months of chat
Into the clearest type of love it molded
This untraditional experience
Was so easy and smooth
Without being to even know
If this would all turn out to be a ruse
But a trip to the big one
Some cheek bites and some sights
Happy deep sleeps, names like Oliver
We spent planning our future flights
But more months passed on
Of bliss, promises, and commitments
Excitement to see each other
Hearts burst with fulfillment
I’ll be here for you, help you grow
I’ll do the same for you, of course
We couldn’t wait for the spring
And it all felt so unforced
Then something happened
When we met yet again
No one’s sure what
But it was suddenly difficult then
Our arms were intertwined
Even when not together
Your arm had to reach further than mine
Maybe that was too much of a tether
We were both scared
There were no distractions to know
In the same place, were we the same love?
Not enough time passed to go slow
Or maybe quite suddenly
We wanted different things
You thought I was a chain
I thought you wanted wings
Instead of love and whispers
We had tiffs and drugs
Which caused what, I don’t know
But we were deprived of hugs
Maybe no one’s ever loved you
Maybe you’ve never loved yourself
Or maybe it’s me, I’ve never loved right
Maybe this all just belongs on a bookshelf
But we couldn’t let this end so quickly
We’re both complicated messes
Yet so simplistic when we admit
that our loving words were blesses
As soon as we escaped
a moody and addicted town
We were once again okay
in our own love we could drown
I learned more about your pain
as well as your fixations
But I didn’t yet know my place
in helping you in any dissuasion
Love continued rolling up
I showed you where the sun sets
in murmuring plazas, for a moment,
I could stop wondering what would happen next
But you always said the same things
and did it again then
“I can’t. This is intense,” and I didn’t listen
I did so much wrong, other than try to love again
And so we were back to the place
Where love and health can’t win
over other people, options, and doses
that made it so easy to chuck us in the bin
You wanted your space once more
and I tried my best to give it with grace
Even though I wish you’d quit everything else
and come with me to another place
I love you more than I realized – that’s a decision
Maybe that scared you even more
But life’s too short to hide,
and really, what for?
The harder I pushed, the further you went
With space I finally knew,
that was my mistake and regret
and lost hope we could start anew
Rumors began
Like tartine, bitter words were spread
I wished you would talk to me
but in reality I seemed to be dead
Now that time has passed
I know my bit that was wrong
and want to just tell you my sorries
of which parts were my fault all along
More than anything, I want to tell
I loved you from the first moment I saw you
And was far too scared to say, you’re perfectly imperfect
For that it’s not too late, I love you as you
I hid my feelings in a safety box
threw away the key and forgot
My real purpose
I want a chance to listen and understand what you sought
Maybe I was too tough and rigid
with myself and what I heard
I should’ve been more what I know
patient and tolerant of what I stirred
Summer has arrived but it already feels gone
Fantasies of beaches and stick shifts
Listening to Bridges, from sea to sky
Now just false memories, in which alone I drift
But then, you’ll find us again
